An interesting minimalist narrative. I felt the constant jumps between pages made for a sort of disjointed feel to the whole story, which added to the mystery, but it didn't give me a whole lot of context with which to make the choices, and as such I felt like they lacked some of the narrative weight they could have had. Still, an interesting piece that I could definitely see being expanded.
Probably the best text-based entry I've played so far this LD. The writing is excellent (I was taken aback by "trying to hear the voice inside you that already knows", and the story is original and powerful. I really like the Twine layout, too, and the white-on-black text adds to the sense of claustrophobia.
If I have a complaint, it's that the plot is very linear. That said, it's appropriate for this story. I just tend to expect more branching plots in Twine games.
I feel a bit depressed now. Can't decide whether it's because of the darkness of the story or because I'm jealous of your writing skill.
Found a typo: "recogonise".
SPOILER
So there's no way to get a happier ending? Harsh. Clever, though.
fantastic writing; powerful, poetic and minimalistic. you manage to create a foreboding and tense atmosphere with it, and use the visual style and passages to great effect.
i'm not very fond of the grey parts, mostly it looks kind of cheap, and it detracts from the story a bit, though i like what you do with that part, narrative-wise.
Oh, I really really loved this. The theme felt personally powerful to me. I loved the writing.
I usually have a lot of trouble with Twine stories but this averted a lot of the issues I tend to have with Twine. I think the best thing about it was that it was simply constantly engaging as a story. A lot of Twine games I lose patience and just start clicking through to "get forward". This one I was enjoying the text enough to want to slow down and focus on it and also the relatively rare choices kind of stressed to me that clicking/choices wasn't really the point. But then when you DID give me a choice it felt like it really made use of what had come before (although I still don't think I know what I should have done to win, or why).
I may try this again later and try to win, I might leave it as is because the "bad ending" felt cathartic by itself.
Comments16
If I have a complaint, it's that the plot is very linear. That said, it's appropriate for this story. I just tend to expect more branching plots in Twine games.
I feel a bit depressed now. Can't decide whether it's because of the darkness of the story or because I'm jealous of your writing skill.
Found a typo: "recogonise".
SPOILER
So there's no way to get a happier ending? Harsh. Clever, though.
i'm not very fond of the grey parts, mostly it looks kind of cheap, and it detracts from the story a bit, though i like what you do with that part, narrative-wise.
all in all, a well told and powerful story.
I usually have a lot of trouble with Twine stories but this averted a lot of the issues I tend to have with Twine. I think the best thing about it was that it was simply constantly engaging as a story. A lot of Twine games I lose patience and just start clicking through to "get forward". This one I was enjoying the text enough to want to slow down and focus on it and also the relatively rare choices kind of stressed to me that clicking/choices wasn't really the point. But then when you DID give me a choice it felt like it really made use of what had come before (although I still don't think I know what I should have done to win, or why).
I may try this again later and try to win, I might leave it as is because the "bad ending" felt cathartic by itself.