A pretty simple story, like a children's fairytale, but pretty emotionally powerful nevertheless. The Twine implementation is good. I played twice until I got a winning ending.
A problem is that there are quite a lot of grammar mistakes. I don't really like to complain about that, since I realise you wrote this in Spanish originally, but it's still an issue. (If you want, I can go through it and tell you what needs fixing.) Another problem is that it's difficult to figure out what the various decisions will lead to, which isn't a good thing in a choice-based game; it means that success will depend on dumb luck rather than informed decisions. For example (slight spoilers ahead): the first time I played, I was brought back to the village by the forester, the second time I was able to escape from him, but I don't actually know what I did differently the second time.
Anyway, like I said, it's a pretty good story, and you're good at Twine. Keep writing and making games; you've got potential.
Comments3
I wish there would be either more interactivity or more depth to the story, cause now it feels more like a script.
A problem is that there are quite a lot of grammar mistakes. I don't really like to complain about that, since I realise you wrote this in Spanish originally, but it's still an issue. (If you want, I can go through it and tell you what needs fixing.) Another problem is that it's difficult to figure out what the various decisions will lead to, which isn't a good thing in a choice-based game; it means that success will depend on dumb luck rather than informed decisions. For example (slight spoilers ahead): the first time I played, I was brought back to the village by the forester, the second time I was able to escape from him, but I don't actually know what I did differently the second time.
Anyway, like I said, it's a pretty good story, and you're good at Twine. Keep writing and making games; you've got potential.