@robobarbie: This was actually in the cards from the beginning. An LD entry whose story will be completed in another game jam is bound to have cameo appearances from the previous MC and heroine of another LD entry whose story is completed in another game jam.
I really, really liked the idea of thinking of trauma-triggering spaces as limiting the total space a person can access in their lives. I think there's a good conversation to be had regarding that idea, which delves into interesting topics of psychology and philosophy.
But instead of focusing on that, the game focuses on the dynamic between John Oscar and Patty Nicole. Which is too one-sided. It's almost as if she isn't human, just an obstacle between a good date and the main character, or a pet to care for in some other times. It was uncomfortable to play :(
I would have appreciated more insights into what goes into their heads. What is Patty feeling when her trauma is triggered? How does John Oscar feel when he cannot help? How do they feel this might affect their relationship? How do they feel after the incident has happened? Like, is the day ruined or do they find another way to be happy together?
Regarding the ending, I think it is meant to be inspiring, with the main character promising to avenge his girlfriend. But that also left me with a sour taste. That would be like "an eye for an eye", perpetuating violence. I think John Oscar should focus on helping Patty Nicole heal, not avenge her.
Maybe I was just not the target audience for this novel, sorry.
@edearth: Thanks for writing that insightful comment. Because I was pressed for time, the ramifications of trauma-triggering spaces never crossed my mind. I'll take your critique to heart when I write the second half and give a much-deserved epic finale for our couple.
I'm sad that there isn't a bit more development in this first part. I thinks it is promising but the characters lack personality and complexity for now.
Finished the story as it is now. The premise seems unique and interesting, the writing itself could use some work. Might be because you were limited in time, maybe now the active phase of jam is over you can go over the text and comb it a little to make it more artful.
Bit off-topic ig?: I was a bit confused on the game's position on cake smashing. I never saw this myself and I don't think we do it in my country at all, but I watched a video about it and it sounds quite dangerous as many cakes have wooden/metal/plastic supports in them and you can pierce a person's eye and kill them, and if one partner does it to another w/o discussing it prior and getting their consent to this, I think I understand why another partner would want a divorce after that betrayal of trust. Maybe I misunderstood your position from the dialogue, but wanted to put my opinion out there just in case.
![Lily Adventuresses! Episode 3: The Explorer Sisters and the Deepest Depths [Pr.]](https://cdn.ldj.am/cover/40/408095-2bff662d.webp)
![Lily Adventuresses! Episode 2: Rise of the Arcritters [Prologue]](https://cdn.ldj.am/cover/39/397597-fbc3366d.webp)
Comments25
The photos in the mall were immersive! Felt like a travel with the characters.
But instead of focusing on that, the game focuses on the dynamic between John Oscar and Patty Nicole. Which is too one-sided. It's almost as if she isn't human, just an obstacle between a good date and the main character, or a pet to care for in some other times. It was uncomfortable to play :(
I would have appreciated more insights into what goes into their heads. What is Patty feeling when her trauma is triggered? How does John Oscar feel when he cannot help? How do they feel this might affect their relationship? How do they feel after the incident has happened? Like, is the day ruined or do they find another way to be happy together?
Regarding the ending, I think it is meant to be inspiring, with the main character promising to avenge his girlfriend. But that also left me with a sour taste. That would be like "an eye for an eye", perpetuating violence. I think John Oscar should focus on helping Patty Nicole heal, not avenge her.
Maybe I was just not the target audience for this novel, sorry.
Bit off-topic ig?:
I was a bit confused on the game's position on cake smashing. I never saw this myself and I don't think we do it in my country at all, but I watched a video about it and it sounds quite dangerous as many cakes have wooden/metal/plastic supports in them and you can pierce a person's eye and kill them, and if one partner does it to another w/o discussing it prior and getting their consent to this, I think I understand why another partner would want a divorce after that betrayal of trust. Maybe I misunderstood your position from the dialogue, but wanted to put my opinion out there just in case.